Research shows you’ll be bored, frustrated, lonely, angry, and stressed. Humans don’t like to be thrown out of their routines, particularly when the changes leave them feeling trapped.
There have been jokes about a “coronavirus baby boom,” in China, there has been a post-pandemic divorce boom. Darby Saxbe, an associate professor of psychology at USC and the director of the USC Center for the Changing Family, says we can probably expect one here too.
I. Godly Guidelines for Surviving The Quarantine.
James 1:19-20
A. LISTEN CAREFULLY.
…Everyone should be quick to listen. Ja 1:19
Engaged in a text conversation, watching TV, working on something, and our spouse comes in and says something. If you’re like me you find yourself just half-listening.
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. Prov 18:2
Two tips that will help you engage in meaningful conversation:
- I understand why you would feel this way. Or I’m trying to understand, not followed with any rebuttal.
- Repeat back what the person says. (So you believe………., or you feel I’m…..)
B. Speak Cautiously.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak. Ja 1:19
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. Prov 21:23 NLT
Two questions to ask:
- Should it be said?
- Should it be said now?
Some things are better to discuss in non-conflict times.
Tips to guarding your words!
- Never call names.
- Never raise your voice.
- Never get historical.
- Never say never or always.
- Never threaten divorce.
- Never quote your pastor during a fight.
C. Manage Frustration.
… Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry… Ja 1:19
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go
down while you are still angry, 27 and do not
give the devil a foothold. Eph 4:26-27
You may find yourself really angry and feel that you may not sleep for 5 days.
II. FIVE SIGNS OF STRUGGLE.
1. CRITICIZING
A complaint addresses only the specific action at which your partner has failed. Criticism is global. It attacks the other’s character or personality. Here is an example:
- Complaint: “There is no gas in the car. I’m aggravated that you didn’t fill it up like you said you would.”
- Criticism: “You never remember anything! You can’t be counted on for your word!”
2. CONTEMPT DEVELOPING
Disgust, sarcasm, eye-rolling, mocking
Contempt is composed of a set of behaviors that communicate disgust. It includes, but is not limited to: sneering, sarcasm, namecalling, eye rolling, mockery, hostile humor, and condescension.
- It is primarily transmitted through non-verbal behaviors.
- It does not move toward reconciliation and inevitably increases the conflict.
- It is always disrespectful.
Research shows couples that display contempt for each other suffer more illnesses and diseases than respectful couples.
3. FEELING DEFENSIVE
Not me, you. No response for self
These behaviors convey the message, “The problem is not me. It’s you.”
- From this position, you imply that, because your partner threw the first stone, they are responsible for the entire conflict.
- You avoid taking responsibility for your own behavior by pointing to something they did prior to their complaint about you.
- You do not acknowledge that which is true in what they are saying about your behavior.
4. Withdraw
Tunes out and shuts down. 85% men
In relationships where intense arguments break out suddenly, and where criticism and contempt lead to defensiveness, and where more contempt leads to more defensiveness, eventually one partner tunes out. This is the beginning of stonewalling.
- The stonewaller acts as if he (research indicates that 85% of stonewallers in marriages are husbands) couldn’t care less about what the partner is saying or doing.
- He (sometimes she) turns away from conflict and from the relationship.
- Any form of disengagement can be stonewalling.
5. Overwhelmed with Anxiety
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III. CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONSES
Don’t fight against each other
Fight against the enemy.
Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil,
but overcome evil with good.
With Christ—all things are possible.
With Christ—any Quarantine can be handled.
With Christ—your challenge can be met.
1. DON’T REACT IN EMOTION BUT REACT WITH PURPOSE.
Rom 12:21
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
2. CONFRONT TO HEAL NOT TO WIN.
1 Peter 3:8-10
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this, you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
Address troubled areas in non-conflict times.
3. QUICKLY FORGIVE / APOLOGIZE
To be honest all of this fussing started along time ago. In fact, it started with the very first couple as they struggled with their failings their sins.
Remember Adam ……”This woman you put here with me”…
CONCLUSION:
With more than a third of the global population confined to their homes to slow the coronavirus pandemic, many are worried how long they will be cooped up.
But being quarantined can be “a good thing” and something “to enjoy,” says veteran Russian cosmonaut Fyodor Yurchikhin.
The 61-year-old, who has made five flights to space spending a combined 671 days aboard the International Space Station (ISS), says the main thing is to stay positive.
Here are his five tips for surviving quarantine:
Get some air
- On the ISS, cosmonauts work “in an alien environment, surrounded by metal and plastic,” Yurchikhin told AFP.
- “There are no trees and no plants — except for the ones used for experiments, but we treat it as if it were our home.
- “But you guys, you’re really home!
- “Remember that in space, it’s really impossible to get out” or take some air. At home, you can always open the windows or step out onto the balcony, the cosmonaut says.
Call friends
- “Remember you have relatives and friends you haven’t called for centuries because you were too busy.”
- Why not get in the habit of calling them every day, when you’re in confinement, Yurchikhin said.
- “This is the perfect time to catch up with your friends.”
Family time
- Yurchikhin urges those in quarantine to use this time to “establish a completely different style of communication within the family” and to pay more attention to children.
- Now is a good moment to check off items on the to-do list: finally hang a painting on the wall, sort through archives or read a book.
- “Take care of this today, because when the quarantine is over, you won’t get round to it again!” he urged.
Get some exercise
- And “Don’t forget your health!” he says.
- You can let spending all day in an enclosed space impact your fitness, says Yurchikhin. “That’s why you should do sport.”
- You do not need a gym membership to work out “at least twice a day for 30 minutes.” With many yoga or aerobics courses available online, “you can do it at home,” he says.
Laugh it off
- “If you only see the bad side of quarantine, it will feel like prison,” Yurchikhin said.
- “So approach this situation with humor.
- “Humor should prolong life and shorten quarantine.”
Questions to Discuss:
- What is the hardest part of the quarantine for you to handle?
2. Why does the downtime sometimes make it harder to get along?
3. What do you think Jesus would be doing in a time like this?
4. Do you think Jesus ever was frustrated with people?
5. What will you be most thankful for when this is all over?
